For those who know little about me, it must be hard to understand why my Keeper left. She did so because I was naughty. You will understand when you read this letter. She sent Miss Wilkinson because I let her down and broke my bond. I make no excuses. My behaviour was inexcusable. I have also included an adventure from Nymphasia, where I exist regularly on another level of reality. Artemis is the name which my Keeper used in the world of Nymphasia. The other characters are my friends from Aristasia. I cannot reveal the identities of Clio and Aphrodite, as they wish to remain anonymous.
From the Tiger Keeper
Monday 31st March
You asked me to intervene when things get awkward. I have, and you have yet again refused to be submissive.
Have you forgotten the things you have written in your book? Have you forgotten the things you have said? Only two days ago, you wrote to apologise for the upset of the 27th. That was four days ago. You have pledged your desire to be submissive. But whenever I demand your submission when you don’t want to give it, you refuse. You say that I should intervene, but you refuse me when I do.
The act of Submission is bowing to another’s will, because you know that is the right thing to do, even though on the material plane, the person to whom you submit, may be flawed. The manifestation of the Mistress requires a lot of responsibility. It means rising above the flaws of those on the material plane. Sometimes you see the Mistress manifest in me. At other times, you refuse to. It is hard to manifest something that is only going to be treated as simply human with simple human failings.
In order to have a Mistress and to submit to her, you have to learn to draw the distinction between the ordinary human being with fears and weaknesses, and the Mistress in whose judgement you trust and to whom you submit. There is no place for bad temper, irreverence or insubordination. For you, this insubordination is a calculated matter. You wish to treat me as an ordinary human being, in whom you can afford to be distrustful and in whom you can exploit weakness. In order for a person to submit, she has to understand to what she is submitting. She is not simply submitting to ordinary ‘bossiness’ of the usual sort. She is submitting to an Archetype, to a Universal Mistress, represented by one person who manifests the Truth, the Harmony, The Joy and the Harshness of Life. That is why there is a distinction between Me as Me, and Me as your friend and Wife.
When you are feeling bad-tempered, you pretend there is no difference. You decide at will what you are prepared to do. You complain, you refuse punishment, you refuse SOLUTION. And then, after some hours, you decide to apologise and pledge your allegiance.
These democratic rows are not of my domain. They are the domain of the Maid on the material plane. The magic between a little Tigrou and her Mistress is something different and something to be cherished. It is not something to be pushed around as though it was some sort of game.
Having a Mistress is having a Bond. It is placing yourself in that Mistress’ hands and trusting in her Truth and Integrity. It is not about a couple playing games of a ‘role play’ nature. If you are submissive, you are so unquestioningly.
You have stated this evening that you are ‘not good enough’ for me, which in your mind allows you your freedom. You pretend that your relationship with me is just another human game. It is not so. Your Bond with your Mistress should not be able to be broken. If you are not good enough, then it is your duty to make yourself so, rather than unilaterally deciding that it means you have your freedom from this Bond.
Despite your writing and what you say when you are happy, it remains that every few days, there is a big problem. You sometimes complain that you are disciplined ‘excessively.’ Is this for you to complain about? Would you prefer to spend your time locked in democratic rows and arguments over things you perceive you are ‘not getting.’
Despite also, your many good intentions when you are in the ‘right’ frame of mind, you have not really submitted to my will. You have never, of your own volition, bowed to my will when you are in the sort of mood that you are in tonight. You are trying to punish me, your Mistress, for not seeing you yesterday. ‘I can do the same thing,’ you think. Your individualist nature takes over, and neither you, nor I can prevent or check it.
You have pledged yourself to me, to be my own and owned. You have committed your life to the conjoined life of two individuals, who happen to be in love. You are trying, with your behaviour tonight,( your twice refusal to let me intervene) to punish and hurt me. In doing so, you cause upsets and fights with the person you call your ’other half.’
For myself, I view this for what it is: your struggle with Submission, your struggle to really make the commitment to the Bond that part of you wants, and part of you hates. You are trying to bring down to the material plane, the magic of you and your Mistress, that does not and cannot exist under these circumstances. When you are in this kind of mood, you create an enormous rift in me. You cause me to doubt my manifestation of the Mistress, and you undermine the Mistress in her pursuit of Harmony and Truth. You remove yourself from everything except the bickering of two individuals.
You do this too often. You complain and complain of me, and yet, when given leave to complain, you will not. Many people have seen glimpses of the real Mistress in me, but none other than you has had the privilege of Her being yours and You being hers. What right have you to destroy this? What right have you to decide when you will and will not obey?
Every few days, a big problem is presented. In the world of the Tiger Keeper and her Tigrou, there can be no big problems. There simply cannot be. Unfortunately, you choose the ’problems’ of your world over the Harmony of the world I provide for you.
You promised never to refuse Resolution. You have broken your promise. I have no control over you.
Tuesday 1st April
Dearest Tiger Keeper,
Last night, I broke my word and my Bond. There can be no excuses or explanations. Personally, I feel that my defiance and refusal was a worse breach of faith than running away, which I have done in the past.
You have gone and I have only myself to blame.
A communique from the Tiger Keeper
Thursday 3rd April
Thank you writing to me. I hope that some of the things I wrote in my letter of the 31st March were helpful and understandable. We are obviously in a slightly awkward position at the moment.
I have had an idea. I think it may be helpful for you if you were to have some lessons from Miss Wilkinson, who is rather worn out and weary, but is still a good Mistress. That way, you can resume your timetable and have some lessons in what is expected of you before you have a full-scale Tiger Keeper again.
Little Tiggr, Artemis will never abandon you. Your Tiger Keeper loves you best in the whole world and only wants to look after you. You have much to learn. You must be better for your Tiger Keeper and she must be better for you.
And yes, you must be punished for breaking your Bond. I, Myself will do this when you have made sufficient progress and I am able to return.
Back to Part 2
On to Tigrou in Nymphasia