The Cocktail Bar

Memories of Evenings Past


NOTE: This conversation runs backwards! For the benefit of regular readers the newest comments are put at the top.

Music playing: Marychild's Dance Band playing "Time on My Hands"

Polyhymnia to Mary

Dear, sweet Mary
As you stood up just before, I caught a glimpse of those six inches of ankle, and what a delightful sight it was indeed (Do forgive me for looking , but I couldn't help myself). While a display of stockings might not be considered actually daring in my Tellurian residence, it is unfortunately very rare to encounter such a sophisticated and delicate appearance as Yours & all the ladies present - even for the Pit as a whole, Denmark is a very dark place concerning proper Ladylike behaviour and dressing, especially in my circle of "ladies like that", as dear Miss Barbara so aptly put it once. Well, the bigger is the pleasure of visiting this place.

But Mary dearest, such a gentle and, dare I say, innocent blonde as you should not be led to thinking that "anything goes"!! In spite of the goodhearted and warm feeling that this assembly radiates, I heard that a rather nasty incident happened recently. Of consideration to that magnificent, courageous blonde who took part, the details better not be discussed any further.

If you allow me, I will however be more than happy to sit next to you, as I notice that you are sitting in a corner quite unprotected, if any of those shameless brunettes should ever enter again.
With Hope and Respect

Embarrassing Question

I feel a bit out of place here; I'll venture to say that I'm the coarsest of all beasts to ask, but could one of you fine and delicate femmes point me to the area in this lovely land where I can learn more about how this population maintains itself? I'd like to know where little girls come from, of course, and I beg your indulgence in answering my clumsy query. Ever so abashed (and crashingly brunette),

Yeep! What a question. Well, of course it takes a blonde and a brunette, and they have to be married, and, well, obviously you aren't married, but when you do find Miss Right, the night before your wedding, your Brunette Mummy will explain certain things to you. It is no good asking me what because 10 I am not your Brunette Mummie so it would be most improper for me to tell you and 2) I am not married myself, so I do not know. May I recommend that you read the Extract from Children of the Void that appeared in Femmeworld recently. It is written from an Aristasia-in-Tellurian point of view, but throws some light on the subject, and also suggests what light ought not to be thrown and why. Incidentally, you do not look like a coarse beast to us, in that delightful velvet dress. If it is short enough to show rather a lot of your pale-nylon-filmed legs, we do not hold that against you at all. Do climb onto this bar stool and show -I mean, tell - us more.

PUBLIC NOTICE: Below you will see what the pettes have been saying in the Janet case. On balance we feel that reinstatement with moderate punishment is the nearest to consensus, and we are inclined to take up Yrsula's suggestion of inviting Sister Athleen to do the honours. Despite what might be construed to be the hopes of some members, we feel this should be done in a private place, not in the Cocktail Bar.

Music playing: Freda Staire singing "Let's Face the Music and Dance"

Leave Punishment to Sister Athleen

If Janet is to be punished, at least let a professional disciplinarienne administer it. I can speak from frequent first-hand, so to speak, experience that this is always the best way. Both Ellhedrine and Janet will be more than pleased with Sister Athleen's results. It will be carried out in perfect nursely fashion. Sister Athleen might even be willing to come up to London for a private session.

Cane or Kiss?

I am a little frightened by the idea that Janet might be caned. Will that not hurt her?

Maybe Sally is right saying that a kiss (or more if needed) could solve the problem more easily than a cane.

However, in case she will be caned, or spanked, will her skirt be lifted completely? And her beautiful pleated black slip? IRIS

A Sympathiser

Poor Janet, I rather sympathise with her, and I certainly don't approve of the frankly scary suggestions made by some of those terribly officious types. There wouldn't be a touch of jealousy inspiring them, would there, pettes? Janet, my dear, we all make the occasional gaffe now and again, and if you would like to join me in a corner towards the back of the bar (in case a hasty exit prove necessary) I shall set you up a Blonde Bombshell to ease your mind.

Your fellow traveller in strange places

Rachel's Recommendation

I hope that the more delicate blondes will forgive me, but I would say that a caning is most certainly in order. While it would be folly to cast poor Janet out, possibly causing her to return to the customs of the Pit in desperation, neither should she go without correction. Speaking as a brunette, we have an obligation to protect the fair ladies, after all.

My personal recommendation would be ten strokes. Five would be too few, but I think that "whipping her to within an inch of her life" would be quite too severe! (All due respect to Col. Janechild.)

And finally, Ariadne, a derringer is a weapon, dear. Not a flask. It would certainly not be wise to pass it around, as some poor blonde who would necessarily be ignorant of firearms might inadvertently do mortal harm to herself. Instead, let Miss Barbara buy you another cocktail. Something sweet and femmey, and much more fitting for you than a nasty old gun!

Col. Janechild Explains

Now look, dash it all, you pettes. "Whipped within an inch of her life" - only a figure of speech, don't you know? Didn't mean to upset the blondes. Last thing I wanted. Meant to protect them, don't you know? Good smack. That's all I meant, really. Hyperbole, don't you know? Mustn't take it too literally.

Music Playing: The Quirinelles singing "What Lola Wants"

What Shall We Do with the Tipsy Brunette

As a brunette myself, I understand Janet's temptation, though, allow me to insert here, I find myself appalled by her giving in to that temptation. I do, however, admire her courage, her brunette-ishness at coming back into the cocktail bar. I believe punishment is in order, but, as sweet Ariadne has commented, a caning at the Cocktail bar seems completely out of place. Let us think of something a bit more severe, yet refined. Perhaps we should issue her a pair of stockings with an obvious run, and force her to endure the embarrassment of wearing them throughout an entire day and evening. If she is woman enough to handle such a fate, perhaps we would allow her to return. Though, I believe Ellhedrine should be the one to decide such matters.

Marisa, so nice to hear from you again, love. I so well understand your difficulties in always being around the lovely, fair, and innocent woman-child students of yours. My best advice for you would be to always be careful to be upstanding in all matters, even as you from time to time, catch a quick glimpse at the lovelies' ankles, calves, and even as you appreciate fully their adoring glances and admiring stares. Of course, I did sense that you were a fellow brunette; if nothing else, your elegant and sophisticated deportment betrays that fact!

Please, Managerette, if we DO allow Janet back into our fold, take her weapon by all means. The very idea of such a thing amidst our pink and lavender makes me shiver with anxiety.

Much love to all the pettes

The Professor is Appalled

I am thoroughly shocked and appalled at the unrestrained, bloodthirsty, unfeminine vindictiveness expressed by Surique and Col. Janechild. Certainly traits like these are precisely those which have always doomed feminine cultures to extinction throughout history.

That which distinguishes us from the other sex (speaking in Tellurian terms) is our compassion, forgiveness and gentleness. For millennia women have said that, were it up to us, there would be no wars. Surique and Col. Janechild belie this elemental wisdom and make fools of all women. "To be whipped within an inch of her life" indeed! What is this, the Royal Navy in 1806?

Surique and Col. Janechild are without doubt suffering from acute P.A.D. (Pit Affective Disorder) and should catch the very next train to St. Yvyanne's Neuraesthenia Clinic in Nether Mynton. It may still be early enough for them to be cured!

"I Simply Couldn't!"

I was simply horrified by Surique's suggestion that I might cane Janet. I am sure it was well-meant and I hope she will not mind, but I simply couldn't! It is not in my nature at all, and the thing would be a worse punishment to me than to Janet (in fact it might not be a punishment to Janet at all, since I know I should do it most feebly). Now please do not think I am being sill y about this sort of thing. I have been, as I believe I mentioned before, caned twice at school, and each time I felt much helped and improved afterwards, and if that is what is considered best in Janet's case (especially as she herself suggested it and has no objection) I do not mind. But please do not bring me into it as an active participant.

As for Col. Janechild's suggestion that she be "whipped within an inch of her life", well really, I have never heard of such a thing. It sounds most barbaric and unkind and worst of all, unladylike. In my part of Quirinelle spankings can be given for breaches of public decorum. I once had a smack from the cinema usherette for talking too loud during the film. But "whipping some one within an inch of her life" never happens, not to any one, not ever. I think it is un-Aristasian and as the injured party I vote against it as strongly as possible.

Anyway, with or without a punishment, I think we should give Janet another chance. Our duty is to help people be better, and only when they have rejected goodness altogether should we reject them. Janet wishes to be good, and we must all help her. ELLHEDRINE

Vote for Punishment

Janet should be punished. It would be like a ritual purification and rebirth into the Cocktail Bar. Perhaps the offended Ellhedrine herself should cane her.

The Hard Line

I say that people like Janet are a menace to Southern Blonde-hood and should not be allowed in decent bars.

Um - south of what, honeychild?

Ariadne's Vote

What does this yellow-haired floozy think of Janet? Well, she certainly has a very tough-girl aura about her. Rather intimidating, I think, like something out of a Michelle Spillane thriller. But as for punishment, I don't think canes or caning should be permitted, much less even contemplated in the Aphrodite Cocktail Bar. I think we should all forgive Janet, (after all, she never touched me in any secret place) providing that she shares with us whatever is in that derringer of hers.

But stocking-top flasks are really quite teensy, and even if it's straight gin, it probably won't go very far! And the management may frown on pettes bringing their own liquor into the bar.

So, do let Janet back in and let's pass around her derringer!


"Let Her Back"

I think we should let Janet back. She is so romantic in her rough-diamond sort of way and her black pleated slip is just adorable (I couldn't help catching just a teensy glimpse). I think a little smack might be a good thing so that every one feels justice has been done, though, SALLY

Whip the Bounderette

Dash it, pettes, that bounderette Janet should be whipped within an inch of her life. Then if she takes it like a brunette she should be welcomed back and bought a stiff drink. And let her keep her derringer. If she's proved herself to be on our side, you never know when she may come in handy, what?

Lingerie Sizes

Paula asked how US and UK sizes of lingerie match up to each other. This is a rough conversion guide. For more detailed information on shopping sizes I suggest that you try speaking to Tina. She can be found at:

For direct shopping you can try Sara Lee:

or Fantasies in Lace:

British to United States lingerie sizes

Waist slips

Waist Size (inches) 25.5-27 27.5-30 30.5-33.5 34-35.5 36-37.5 38-42.5
GB Dress Sizes 8/10 12/14 16/18 20/22
US (Misses/Womens) S M L XL 1X 2X 3X

Full slips / camisoles

Bust Size (inches) 33.5-34 34.5-35 35.5-36.5 37-38 38.5-39.5 40-41.5 42-43.5
GB Dress Sizes 8 10 12 14 16 18 20
US (Approx Bra size)34 34-36 36 36-38 38-40 40-42 42-44

I find that waist slips are more forgiving than full length slips, so although I take a British size 18 for a full slip I can wear a UK 12/14 for a waist slip. Indeed, I prefer to wear my shorter waist slips fairly tight and figure hugging to my stocking tops but hidden under a short skirt; however under a longer flowing skirt, rather like the delightful one Iris is wearing as she sits demurely on her bar stool, I prefer a longer and more generous petticoat with a deeper lacy hem that just peeps out, for those that wish to see.

Music playing: Marychild's dance orchestra playing "As Time Goes By"

Janet Creeps Back

Hello, pettes, this is Janet. Yes, naughty Janet who so woefully slipped her hand up the skirt of poor innocent Ellhedrine and explored (very briefly, but unforgettably) the most secret places above the tops of her seamed stockings. I must confess it was a shock when she screamed and slapped my face. I had, as the barmaid said as she gently ushered me out, had one Fountain of Youth too many. Well, one is perhaps an understatement. Also (forgive me for saying this) I think I may have misunderstood exactly what kind of Cocktail Bar this was. I mean, I'm a girl of the world and I've been around some dives in Cyberspace. But if I'd had three Fountains of Youth less, I'd have seen clearly that this isn't that kind of dive (or any kind of dive, come to that) and Ellhedrine isn't that kind of blonde.

Alright. Before the brunettes here form a lynch committee, or at any rate call the constabelles, just let me say that it would have been a lot easier for me not to come back here. If I wanted to pick up cheap blondes there are a lot of places I can go. I didn't intend to come back after the other night. But of all the Cocktail Bars in all the Sites in this great big cockamamie Elektraspace, I had to walk into this one; and something is making me walk right back. There isn't anywhere else like this. You know it and I know it. Not without getting right into Aristasia, and I haven't got the key. I've found something here I can't do without. Lemon-haired floozies in Pit-dives don't mean a hill of beans to me now. I want to find some real, well-spoken, properly-brought-up young blonde like Ellhedrine (don't worry, kid, I said like Ellhedrine. I won't come near you again unless you tell me I can). Settle down, maybe raise a few little blondes and brunettes of our own. A girl can't go on drifting forever.

So what do you say? Will you have me back? I'll be a good subject and take the Loyal Pledge. If I ought to have a caning for my past misdeeds (I understand such things happen in these parts) I will submit myself gracefully. Oh, yes, and I carry a derringer in my stocking-top. Do you want me to hand it over?

The management feel that we cannot respond to Janet's request without first putting it to our patronettes. What do you think, darlings. Shall we let Janet back? With or without punishment? Please send your suggestion  now.

More Femme Advice Needed

Dear Miss Barbara: Thank you very much for your kind words. It's pleasant to feel the warmth of words around and that light headed sensation after that delicious Manhattan. Yes, I feel like drop my arms aside and let the music play and time go by. My very first words should be addressed to say I AM brunette (no "proud" smileys at hand). I hope this was what you expected I was. Is it right?. Something else you should know, and everyone here around, is that I am about 30, a little bit tall (5f 8") and most of time, except tonight, I am under my white uniform. All of this, in addition to something else you already know, makes me look authoritative, but not severe. This is also derived from my strong (but not "caned") education, always addressing me to follow up nothing but my career. It wasn't until the last few months that I started wandering about something else in my life. It was when I became a clinical teacher and I began to spend quite a lot of time with my young students. These lovely girls, whose nearness made me feel so feminine as I never felt before. Some of this true girls came to me looking not only knowledge and basical skills; but also, I know it now, some "feminine protection", some tenderness I didn't dared to owe. I guess they are lucky, when I was a young student, my preceptors were only men and I made some mistakes. I think I learned a lot. . . until I felt that new proximity with all of it's excitement, whispered words and furtive glances when we sat aside to chit-chat and I hear their little secrets and my hand slightly rubs a flurry ear or stocked leg. I don't dare to take advantage of my position (I think Nurse Yrsula knows why). But this is what I think of when I'm front of a mirror? garnished with all my underthings (what a lovely word!)? Dear Barbara: what should I do? Can you guide me hand? Excuse me, maybe I'm abusing of your teaching experience (Is that true?) and your well intended will of giving advice.

To all of you, adored pettes: Thanks for your kind conversation. I hope Tellurian demands will allow me to come more frequently.
Sweet kisses to you all from MARISA

Stockings from Australia

I don't quite know where to start. I am an Australian girl only just getting used to your English weather. Everyone tells me this year has been better than most, then let's just hope things don't return to normal!

I found your web site several weeks ago and was immediately excited by the superb background pattern and colour. One thing I have learnt to love over here is the feel of wearing stockings and suspenders. Also the thrill of finding that one of my new friends is also wearing them. This has sometimes led to, well maybe more about that another time. To find a web site that not only encourages stockings, but almost seems to make them mandatory is out of this world.

Please, please let me in to the warmth, before the cold winter winds arrive and freeze the soft pink flesh above my stocking tops.

Music playing: The Quirinelles singing "Sweet Little Sixteen"

Six Inches of Ankle

Why, Polyhymnia, do you mean me? I think you must, for it is true that my black silk stockings only just show under my long black skirt. At least they do while I am sitting here with my feet on the rung of the bar-stool. When I stand up you can see a full six inches of Ankle, and in Arcadia, where I come from that is considered rather daring:

In Arkady a glimpse of stocking
Is looked on as something shocking

as the song says; but here -- heaven knows! Anything goes, I sometimes think. No, not really; I know the pettes are very modest in their modern way, but I am pleased that you came to see me, and yes, I shall be very pleased to accept the drink you offer. May I have a Rusty Nail?

Welcome to Sabrina

Sabrina, do sit here. I am almost as new as you are. I come from Yvyanne in Quirinelle. My name is Ellhedrine. Really there isn't much to tell you. This place is just what it appears to be (at least, I hope it is!) - a most elegant and sophisticated Cocktail Bar just like the ones you see in those lovely grown-. . . I mean sophisticated films. It is full of the most elegant brunettes and the prettiest blondes imaginable, to which you, if I may say so, are a sweet addition in that lovely silk creation - and where did you get those beautiful seamed nylons? But do be careful how you sit. It is so easy to show a little too much, and some of the brunettes here. No, that is unfair. Only one, as far as I know, but I did have a most unnerving experience a short time ago.

Miss Barbara, you are so very kind. I feel quite all right now, thanks to your sweet consideration. Are people really saying that about me? How utterly charming of them. What a nice place this is. ELLHEDRINE

More about Ojo Caliente

May I introduce myself? My name is Francesca Villiers. I am an associate professor of gynthropology in the Department of Pre-Columbian Feminine Cultures, University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. I've been dropping into the Aphrodite Cocktail Bar after work for the last several weeks, but as a newcomer I've been keeping to myself. Nonetheless, I couldn't help overhearing Ariadne's reference to a travel article in Modern Blonde about a dude ranch in Ojo Caliente, New Mexico.

I am very familiar with the article, which is certainly a hoax. I am sorry to say that no such dude ranch exists at Ojo Caliente. I should know -- it is the site of one of our most fascinating digs. Ojo Caliente lies at the end of a dirt road on the present-day Zuni Indian Reservation in the Cibola Mountains of Northwestern New Mexico -- the same Cibola Range whose fabled golden cities eluded the Spanish conquistador Coronado.

We believe an isolated tribe of the mysterious Anasazi inhabited the cliff-dwellings around Ojo Caliente in the millennium preceding the Spanish conquest. This tribe was apparently all women and of a different complexion from their neighbors, according to ancient tribal stories, a number of which predicted the arrival of a white-haired, blue-eyed goddess. The canyon sites they chose were impregnable (no play on words intended) so that they were able to devote themselves entirely to pastoral and agricultural endeavors, defense not being an issue.

In 1987 some amateur spelunkers exploring a series of bat-infested caves in the Chaco River Canyon discovered a large chamber containing seventeen unusual petroglyphs. Carbon-dating places them at about 450 AD, making them much older than any other Anasazi petroglyphs yet found.

But what distinguishes them even more than their age is their peculiar style and subject-matter. For although dampness and centuries of abrasion by bat-wings have obscured them to a greater or lesser degree, all clearly depict what can only be described as elegant feminine forms in various attitudes of repose. As for the style, it is amazingly similar to that of the sketches hanging here in the Cocktail Bar, its Archives and in the Common Room. They might have been executed by the same hand! And each one contains a hieroglyph of a portal enclosed by two columns, rather like a signature, in the lower left corner.

We began our excavation only this summer (negotiations with the Zuni Tribal Council were difficult and prolonged). Thus far, we have cleaned most of the petroglyphs but have not begun excavation of the cave floor. We do not expect to find any other traces of this culture, however (other than combs and what can only be described as garters). Why? We have found similar sites before -- near Easter Island, in Tibet and in Ceylon, to name several. The images are remarkably similar, but no human artifacts, not even pot fragments or tools other than combs or these garter-like objects have ever been unearthed.

Should Ariadne or any other girls venture to visit Ojo Caliente anyway, I should be more than happy to give them a tour of the dig. We always welcome a new face. It gets quite lonely at the site during the week.

Music playing: Marychild's Dance Orchestra playing "Body and Soul"

A New Brunette

Oh Dear! All these new impressions to puzzle my mind. The sweet Miss A. L. Trent suggested me to go here, and it is rather overwhelming to be amongst such enchanting members of the fairer sex. I better not order another Martini quite yet, or I might put myself in a situation where I would get my face slapped (and that would serve me right, too!). In fact, I am rather hoping that a more experienced brunette would give me some gentle advice about how to approach an innocent blonde in decent ways. Would it be too bold of me, on this my first visit, to ask that charming blonde, just barely showing her silk stockings under the long black skirt, if she would care for a drink?

And that mysterious, yet intriguing Inner Sanctum - dare I ask for a password?

Yours Truly

Yrsula Confesses

The less said about mediaeval Aristasian maidens, the better. It can only get me into greater difficulties with Sister Athleen. I regret I ever made the story up and foisted it on Ariadne.

And my real name is Ellen Dawson, not Yrsula -- I was born at St. Thomas's and grew up in Lambeth. Yrsula just suits me better. I am really a perfectly ordinary girl, believe me. And don't any of you go down to Chalk Newton to look for that copse: it doesn't exist.

Sorry I am in such a bad temper; we've been working extra hours at St. Yvyanne's stabilising three new patients with P.A.D. -- Pit Affective Disorder. Two blondes and a brunette this time, in very sad shape, indeed.

The Quest for Enlightenment

Please enlighten me. I am a little redhead from Canada. Totally innocent. I have no idea what all of this is about. I am really eager for some nice person to take me aside and show me how this works. Please??

Possible redhead is simply the colour of your hair, but "little" implies that you are a blonde. Now just sit on this lovely stool here and order yourself a drink. I am sure some one will tell you a little about our ways in just a moment.

The Perfect Office

Miss Delira Bright says she wears multi-layers petticoats at the office, and that they occasionally swirl out. It must be wonderful. What a dream it should be, if we could all wear at the office like so! In an office where everyone of us would wonder, while sitting with crossed legs, how much she is showing of her petticoat, and would admire, comment, or at least silently peer, the others' undies. I dream an office where caresses and kisses would be normal. . . experiencing the strange mixture of excitement and embarrassment at revealing too much, as Andrea says.

By good luck I found this Cocktail Bar. However, I wouldn't like to sit on my skirt and petticoat over that stool. Is it allowed to sit directly onto it, letting skirts fall around? I like to feel the seat with my skin. Though I have no control of what I am risking to show under me. I shall try to sit demurely, because I am still shocked for what happened recently between Ellherdrine and Paula, and I hope that nobody will touch my skirt or, even worse, slip her hand between my skirt and petticoat, feeling my suspenders. . .

It would be a too strong emotion for me!

It seems the most delightful way to sit on a bar stool with wide skirts - the entire stool prettily draped in your feminine folds, a picture of modesty, and yet somehow irresistibly suggesting the delightful, never-to-be-seen vision beneath.

Vacation Plans Dropped

Thank you, gentle Barbara, for your advice about the dude ranch, but it's now quite academic. Apparently I have overdrawn my bank account in a serious way according to the call I received from the bank manageress. Something about credits and debits and how cheques reduce one's balance and deposits increase it (and I had thought it was the other way round!) And then some quite unnecessary remarks about the importance of decimal points and trailing zeros. Well, I never excelled in maths, but this time it has cost me more than low marks: I don¹t get to take my holiday!

At all events, Barbara, the brief fantasy you painted about traveling together will have to suffice for the real thing, I am afraid. How about telling us some more of your delectable femme pleasures?

Go East, Young Maiden

My, my, have things been busy. Sitting here enjoying this Blonde Bombshell and watching all the happenings. Ariadne, I am sorry you missed my earlier entrance. As they say - it must have crossed in the mail. I imagine this girl may get in trouble in the next few days, am heading towards Tokeo, or is that Eto? Anyway I hope I can add to my silk collection. Will be back within a fortnight, so don't let me miss much. I may just take a back seat by the wall and watch things happen via traveling modem, till I get back.
Love to all,


Some one has described Aristasia as "one long conversation". Well, Aphrodite is rather like that. If you want to catch up on the conversation so far, the Archive is the place to do it.