Auntie Effie's Wise Advice

Auntie Effie knows that sometimes girls have little or large troubles which they feel they cannot quite tell anyone about, not even their blonde Mummy. You can tell your Auntie Effie, pettes. She won't tell anybody your little problems, and she won't tell you how silly you are. Auntie Effie is your very favourite Auntie, and you know that she will give you sensible and kind auntie-advice. So if you have a worry, or a difficulty, or a question, write about it to Auntie Effie, and she will do her best to help you.

Dear Auntie Effie,

I have a dreadful problem. Could you possibly offer any helpful suggestions? I am a newlywed. My brunette and I have only been married for three months. Everyone said this would be the happiest year of my life, but, how I hate to admit it, I am quite miserable. Marge, that's my brunette's name, is gone away at the office all day, and we had to move away from Eastern Quirrinelle, where I was born and raised, and where my Mummies still live, to Infraquirinelle, where Marge found a job. I just don't fit here, I miss my Mummies something awful, and Marge and I just bicker most of the time about our family budget. I've heard of girls leaving their wives and running home to the loving arms of their Mummies, but do you think this would be the best thing? I know Blonde Mummy probably wouldn't mind, but I don't think Brunette Mummy would think it proper. I apologize for how long this letter is, but, you do see, I am at my wit's end.

Anxiously awaiting your reply,


Dear Gloria,

Dear, sweet Gloria, I am always surprised at how little we are warned of the huge change that is required when a blonde and a brunette leave the safety and security of their families and become as one to face life together. It is one of the biggest and most earth-shattering moves a girl can make, and it takes oh-so-much work to make it work! Maybe I am presuming here, but I know my habit is to spend more money when I am unhappy - which often just makes the problem worse! And running back to Blonde Mummy for a visit can restore the soul and strengthen the resolve, but you did make some mighty big promises to Marge in that wedding and you need to be very sure before breaking any of those. But probably the best thing is for you to start building your life for you where you are. It sounds like you are in desperate need of people to talk with. Marge has her work, and friends she will have made there, and you will need to do the same. It can take a few weeks, perhaps a couple of months, but it is always worth the wait.Have you started to attend any local chapels? The madre will know of needlework groups, coffee mornings and other such things. If she is married, her wife may even run some groups, or perhaps your suggestions may start something off. When you go shopping, make a point of talking with the people in the shops, even if just to say Good Morning and comment on the weather. Have you tried borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbours? If your neighbours aren't perhaps as pleasant as I was lucky to find here, take a little walk down the street with your empty cup until you find the garden and curtains that tell you a Dea-filled soul lives there. And of course, make some cakes from the sugar, and take something to this soul - you should find a cup of coffee and a new friend this way.

With love and a big hug

Auntie Effie

Dear Auntie Effie,

Is it true that putting your nylons in the ice box overnight keeps them from laddering?


Dear Holeful,

Yes, definitely - they are very unlikely to ladder while they are in the icebox. However, this does not seem to make that much difference for when you are wearing them.I do hope you aren't wearing your nylons in the icebox?Very Truly Yours

Yours truly,

Auntie Effie

Dear Auntie Effie,

How does a pit-bound maiden start to live in Aristasia without becoming the butt of ridicule? I work in a bongo-filled office surrounded by deracinated types who just don't appreciate the truth of femininity, and I am despairing of ever making the move.


Dear Anxious,

Remember that the outside cannot change until the inside does, although the two are definitely linked. Start with your little hestia. Have some real clothes waiting for when you come home, take a long bath with some proper music and suitable magazines (such as Kadorian) and change into your special outfits. Up-to-date undergarments can be worn with most pit-skirts and dresses - who is to know that you use a girdle and stockings instead of panty-hose.But most of all, walk tall and proud, with your head up high and facing the Real world eye to eye. It is too easy to be caught by the teasing and put-downs and attitudes of the pit. You are a child of Aristasia and have been as soon as you came here. By your confidence and quiet assurance, the epitome of feminine grace, you declare that fact silently, and the pit will look with awe.

Write to Auntie Effie

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